If Cherry Blossom Were Apple Sauce
by RDC
Summary: A selection of hillarious events and circumstances. Total Parody mayhem! Just read and find out what Hell has in store for Van and HItomi in the wonderful world of the Mystic Moon. Yes, Van is here, and has landed on the Phantom planet!!!! And he has nooo


If Cherry Blossom Were Apple Sauce!  
  
By Amanda Wardropper  
  
  
  
AUTHOR NOTE * Welcome to my latest Esca-pade! This is my little parody series within a series folks! If you thought writing a fic where the cast of Escaflowne become Kittens was funny! Or Puppies! You ought to think twice. In fact, think water, think mysterious blossoms which seem to pop up everywhere, think small - not big.  
Think...chibi...  
Think....If Cherry Blossom Were Apple Sauce!  
  
And for the first instalment - of what I hope will be an ongoing story - think....If Cherry Blossom Could Bring Back Forever!  
  
  
  
Chapter 1 - If Cherry Blossom Could Bring Back Forever!  
  
Golden sunlight filtered in through the pain of glass down one side of the classroom, illuminating the shafts of dust that fell to the desktops all lined up neatly in rows. Chairs stood on wooden tabletops, their metal frame glinting as Hitomi wound her way through the rows of school desks in her form classroom for this year.   
The first day had gone pretty smoothly, with not a cloud in the sky or a weak subject that the young woman found hard to learn. Her last assignment this day was to attend the first Track meet of the year and meet the new members that had come into the school that very day. This year would be her last at the High School and she would soon sit her final grade exams - and she thought studying last year was hard!  
As always, outside of the window nearest her form tutor's desk, the pink Cherry Blossom tree's branches swayed calmly in the breeze, every now and then shedding another wad of rose pink blossom. Hitomi sighed dreamily. The scene outside was so romantic, with not a student in site nor a cloud, just that tree who had stood there from her first day here and hopefully to her last, and the green grass that lay beneath its roots.  
The air around her was hot and muggy, fogging her senses with the fresh smell of pencil sharpenings and varnished wood. It was all as she remembered it and it was all as it should stay. Slowly, she hefted the bag on her shoulder and turned to leave for the school Track, when a sudden loud boom assailed her ears, followed by a blinding flash of lightning. The startled girl turned swiftly, to see a large branch from the Blossom Tree fall with a heavy thud onto the grass bellow.  
"Oh my God!" Then she was off with a flying start, her legs going as fast as she could. What if someone had been reading underneath that tree? When the branch fell. She had to get to them and help them.  
Skipping corners, the runner burst out of the doors to the high school and rocketed down the steps, taking them two, three at a time, until her feet set foot to ground and then she was away again, around the corner of her classroom to where the Cherry Blossom stood tall and proud.  
She stopped short of its over hanging branches, her school skirt lapping against her thighs to settle once more. Her green eyes fell to the fallen branch.  
"Help...Help me!" Something squeaked from beneath the heavy object making the young lady start. "Please..."  
It was so plaintive, that Hitomi knelt down and lifted the branch away from the figure beneath, who crawled out of the way and clambered to his feet. He stood defiantly tall, as tall as her index finger, glaring up at her. Recognition fleeted across his minds eye and his stern expression fell away like Autumn leaves from a tree. "H-Hitomi?" The tiny figure said in an equally tiny voice.  
The woman just stared down at him, refusing to believe that this Tom Thumb could be the red tunic wearing, beige britches, sword brandishing Van Fanel she remembered from a year ago. "V-Van, is that you?"  
The little man nodded and hopped out of the way of her hand as it settled on the ground before him. He stepped on and held onto her thumb as the huge hand lifted him up to eye level with the girl from the Mystic Moon. She blinked, her huge eyes a wash with greens. "How come you're so small?"  
He bristled at this and retorted with, "How come you're so big!?! How the hell should I know!?!" All at once his vision blured and the young warrior swayed unsteadily, before falling over backwards, collapsing from the concussion of having a tree branch fall on him.  
"Oh Gods Van! Wake up!" But he refused to stir. Anxiously, she looked around her for a solution. "Oh dear. What should I do?" She fretted. "I have my first track meet..."  
From bellow came a small, insignificant voice, "Oh don't worry about me. Your Track comes first!"  
"Shut up you and pretend to be dead!" She replied, dropping the small figure into her blazer pocket. Indignantly, Hitomi picked up her bag and strode off to her Track meet, leaving the poor chibi in her pocket to his concussion.  
  
"Owie!!"  
"I'm sorry, Van!" Hitomi apologized, dabbing the huge bump on the side of the Fanelian's head. "I told you it might hurt."  
"Not that you ninny!" The warrior sat, spread legged on the table in the kitchen of the Kanzaki home, holding a chopped up ice cube against his bruised jaw and picking blazer threads from his hair. "I meant you just poked me in the eye!"  
"Oh stop complaining! I'm trying my best with this cotton wool stick!" Van preceded to bat at the huge stick whenever it came near him.  
"Get that thing away from me, woman! Geeez, why did I have to end up with a psycho as a nurse! Women! Why on Gaea did God create them!" He continued to rattle off several more curses before his female companion could stand no more.  
Diligently, she swotted him with the cotton wool stick, sending him sprawling across the table, right to the very end where he clung for dear life on the edge.  
"God damn it, woman!" He yelled.  
"Oops, sorry, Vanny." Hitomi replied innocently looking away into the distance.   
"You better be..." Van grumbled as he clambered back onto safe wood, walked back over to Hitomi's end and plonked himself right down in front of her, hanging his tiny legs over the edge and swinging them lazily.  
"What was that Mr...?" She growled.  
Van held up his hands, "Nothing Miss....Nothing at all..."  
"Just you remember who's the biggest out of us...." She prodded him in the chest, a movement that nearly sent him sprawling across the table again.  
"It used to be me!" He grumbled sullenly.  
"Hmmm?"  
"Nothing."  
"So anyway. How come you're so small, Van? I don't remember you being this tall."  
"That's because I wasn't you dimwit!" He cried back. "And for your information I don't know! The last thing I remember is being out drinking with some of my mates. We were having shots and when I took mine, I suddenly found out I was barely six inches high!" Aside, he also added depressingly, "And even less than one inch long..."  
"Then how did you get here?"  
"That's just it! We were out in the woods around our fire..."  
"Out in the woods....? A bunch of lads, all by themselves...? Sounds kindda fishy to me..."  
"Oh shut up and let me finish! Anyway, like I said we were in this wood when a storm hit Fanelia and a bolt of lightning came down right on top of me. Next thing I knew I was squashed underneath this God forsaken branch!" His voice turned small and lonely. "And then....I saw you."  
"Awww."  
He guffawed. "Then your nose knocked me out again!"  
"Why you little...!"  
"Heh, heh, heh, just kiddin'! Just kiddin'!" the chibi grows a sweat drop on his brow. "Gee, take it easy or you'll blow a vein or something!"  
She growled warningly. "Just you remember who can flick a certain little someone as far as Spain..." She said between clenched teeth.  
Van sulked, stuffing his hands in his pockets and kicking at an imaginary stone. "You don't have to rub it in, y'know!"  
Her face softened. "I'm sorry..." The little warrior scratched idly at his head and flicked away a flea - who screamed all the way down to the floor where the poor mite hit rock bottom and ended his days with a table leg for company. "You look like you could do with a shower, Van. If you want, I'll dig out a ... hand towel for you and you can use the shower upstairs?"  
"Yeah, that would be great. Thanks." He replied enthusiastically.  
  
"Er, Hitomi? Hitomi!!!"  
Hitomi rushed up the stairs at Van's stricken call and entered the bathroom on the far end of the hall. What she saw made her hard pushed to keep her laugh in. The little chibi was straining awkwardly to reach the shower knob that stood over twenty times bigger than he was. He scowled darkly at her expression. "Well? Don't just stand there! Help me! I can't reach it! Remember, I'm barely six inches tall!?!"  
"Sorry, Van." Hitomi giggled. "You just look so funny. Here, let me get it for you." She helped the shrunken king out of the bath and turned the tap on for him. The water gushed out of the showerhead. "There, I'll leave you to get undressed." She said, leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.  
"Er...I guess..." Van whispered and struggled to pick the hand towel up from the carpet. "God damn it!"  
  
Back in the kitchen, Hitomi picked up the note her parents had left for her on the fridge door. It read "Sweetie, your fathers working late tonight and I've got to do some shopping, so I'll be back late. There's T.V dinners in the freezer for you and your brother. Hope your day at school was all right, we'll talk about it when I get home. Love you, Mom."  
"Well, looks like I've got the whole house to myself for a while." She said to no one in particular. "Or maybe not." Remembering about the tiny Van who was in her shower.  
Rather than let the coffee she had made go to waste, she decided to make herself a cup while she waited for the chibi to finish. Sitting down at the table she stared away at nothing, wondering how Van had found a way to breach the gap between their worlds - regardless of his size.  
Peace never lasted long, though, in the Kanzaki household. From upstairs there was a huge ruktuss and clatters and the unmistakable yelled chain of curses.  
Hitomi breathed in deeply and counted to ten until the nerve at her temple stopped thrumming. "Alright, gimme two minutes..." She muttered darkly, abandoning her coffee and making her way back upstairs. "Gods, another ten times on this and I won't need Track Team."  
Frustrated beyond words she threw the door open and stood, mortified in the entrance to the bathroom.   
He stared back, half poised to reach for the towel. A full six-foot man with wings that were too big for the small room.  
Hitomi was lost for words and couldn't draw her gaze away from the stranger.  
"Hitomi...Wai-!"  
"Get away from me you pervert!!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, frantically reaching over to the sink and drawing water from the hot tap.  
Van yelled in protest as the waters running from the shower turned ice cold. "H-Hey!" His throat closed up and all at once he found himself staring up at her, barely six inches tall, his wings gone, vanished. "Hitomi! It's me, Van!"  
She stopped mid-scream and looked at the tiny figure, half hidden behind the shower curtain, peeking out at her with huge, teary eyes. "V...Van?"  
"What the hell did you do that for!?!" He screamed, his face burning red.  
"Oh my God! Van!" Hurriedly, Hitomi turned the tap off, scurried forwards to turn the shower off before the chibi drowned. Van slunk further into the shower curtain when she dropped to her knees, panting. She blinked. "I honestly didn't know, Van! I'm so sorry! What happened!?! Are you alright?"  
"Thanks very much. No problem. I'm not quite sure and as far as I know there is no lasting damage." He answered.   
She smiled faintly, a light blush colouring her cheeks. "What happened here? You're sure you're alright?"  
"I just stepped into the shower. The next thing I know I'm six feet tall, with white wings bursting out of my back." He replied. "Then you came along, Miss Cold Water Tap - and now I'm six inches again." He paused. "Do you think, maybe, you could put the hot water back on - it seems that hot water has an affect on my..." He coughed. "Situation..."  
"Sure thing." She stood and drew the hot water tap, quickly backing away when a fully grown Van displaced the shower curtain, the shock causing his wings to erupt, their feathers floating everywhere in the bathroom.  
They stared at each other for an eternity, Hitomi secretly marking and putting to memory every sinew, bulge of muscle, strand of hair. Van did similar, but with what he could see rather than fantasise about what her clothes hid. Their blushes deepened as Van clutched the shower curtain even tighter.  
Finally, Hitomi summoned enough courage to say hoarsely, "I think I should go and leave you to get changed..." She turned to go, opening the door.  
"Wai-! Ur...yeah...I'll see you downstairs..." The door closed behind her. "I guess..."  
As he ventured out of the shower cubical to retrieve his towel and clothes, he thought about what they had then - during the war - and what they had now - this new twist where he found himself sharing her planet.  
He lifted his clothes and threw them to one side. He was shocked to discover a petal of Cherry Blossom - from that tree that had attacked him - under the trousers belonging to Hitomi's Father - she was lending him some of his clothing considering his were still shrunken.  
He smiled faintly.  
What if this little Cherry Blossom could bring back what they had when she was on Gaea. He still felt for her immensely. But did she feel the same towards him? Especially now that he had this puzzle to work out of being chibi one moment, normal the next.  
What if this little Cherry Blossom Could Bring Back Forever...?  
  
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Well that's it for now! Look out for the next part of If Cherry Blossom Were...  
  
Please review! And just to keep you sweet, here's a little taster of part two....and a hint for part 3 - Renegade Dragon Child and her mate, Kayl Bunny decide to jump in on a School Trip...  
  
Part 2!  
If Cherry Blossom Were School Girl's Duffle Bags.  
  
Van discovers numerous objects when Hitomi takes him to school...in her duffle bag! Of course, hot water is never far away...and soon Van finds he's faced with a slight difficulty!   
Otaku Fan Girls are on the rampage! And Van finds himself irresistible to them!  
But will Hitomi be able to save the frightened chibi in time...? Before he becomes a living sacrifice to the Otaku Gods?  
  
Find out next time on... If Cherry Blossom Were Apple Sauce! 


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